Why, Final Fantasy? Just tell me why? Is it not enough to make every other line of dialogue an ellipse, that you feel it necessary to beat my brains with constant meaningless exclamations? I already have a moogle in my office- I don't need any in my game.
Showing posts with label ytmnd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ytmnd. Show all posts
Maybe It's Moogle Syndrome
Kung Fu Thriller
I never cared why "Mr. X" would have kidnapped Thomas's girlfriend- that's just what happened to chicks in the '80s- but all these years I've wondered how he compelled the kung fu master to walk impotently in place just yards away from rescuing her.
Finally, I think I've figured it out.
...And just in case anyone out there missed the decade of prosperity and shame, this should explain what you just watched.
Doomeru and his flower girl
I've been thinking a lot about Doomeru since he went AWOL. The guy was an unreliable drunken loudmouth prick, and he smelled like regurgitated mothballs, but he was my brother and I miss him. Writing this blog just isn't as fun without him around. So in that spirit, I've prepared a new YTMND. It depicts one of the happiest moments in his sad, sad life: the day he finally worked up the courage to talk to his beloved flower girl.
A YEAR OF RESIGNATION
I did not always bear the mantel of Sir Cucumber, and my brother was not always a creepy drunken loudmouthed crackpot- or so I'm told.
During the day shift we still assume our stuffy, soporofic 9-5 alter-egos (Doomeru keeps telling me we could quit the act and make enough to keep him steeped in Old Grand Dad simply by turning on Google Adwords, but we're about the bile, not the Benjamins).
It's hard to imagine that only one year ago this shuffling, fluorescent-lit wage slave existence was all we ever knew. Back before I harnessed the power of rock, paper, scissors to rescue Princess Tomato from an overzealous Monsanto employee, and Doomeru started proselytizing apocalypse to dystopian Bladerunner knockoffs. Back before we became heroes.
Hey, even Captain N had to start somewhere.
Thank you all so much for sticking with us. I hope we can hold out another year.
Dead Rising: Too sexy for your zombies
I don’t do well on deadline. And it’s not that I blow them- it’s because I’m compulsively early. The prick who dropped his final exam on the desk in a half hour and walked out, the jerk two cubicles over who always beats you to work, the tweak sitting alone at the bar without a drink constantly checking his Treo every two minutes after the top of the hour- I’m that guy.
So put me in a richly easter egg-laden sandbox with time-sensitive missions and I’m not gonna come out with much sand in my shoes.
But I’m also a reporter. It runs in my blood. So, after getting confirmation from three FAQ sources, I reconciled my neurosis with the story’s need for local color:
The amount of non case-related people you rescue has no affect on the plot or ending, and you earn experience points up front for simply convincing them to follow you. So, unless they could be carried on my back, I promised salvation, handed over something heavy to swing, and left them for dead.
I used the time saved to discover these outstanding outfits!
And after a hard day of shopping, I was still able to show up for plot-relevant scoops with time to spare!
We also found some other great Dead Rising YTMND's you should check out:
Timber: The Story of Big John the Lumberjack
Resigned Gamer had to do some soul searching after facing the lackluster sales results from our last YTMND release, but now we're back and ready to corner the moral majority with this fresh new jive!
I'm not really sure where this came from, but recently I've been playing a lot of MAME and checked out the first season of Queer As Folk from the Oberlin Public Library...
Odin Sphere: Beautiful discounts
Lacking anything snarky enough to say about Odin Sphere, I've memorialized my favorite shopkeep through bass-bumping, man-humping song and dance.
It's my sophomore release on ytmnd, and first ever animated gif! So be kind. I worked hard on it.
And don't forget to pump our classic debut Darkness single:
Stick Your Face Out (So I Can Shoot You In the Face)
The Darkness: Mobsters say the darnedest things
There. I said it.
I’ve been thinking it for a long time now, but only since hearing such sentiment was shared by The Darkness, a self-important romp through the profundities of love, loss, Sicilian vengeance, and World War I, have I felt confident enough to utter the words aloud.
I want you to stick your face out, so I can shoot you in the face. It’s nothing personal. It’s just part of who I am.
And to commemorate my coming out, I’ve made this song. I hope you like it.
Stick Your Face Out (So I Can Shoot You in the Face)
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