the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Dawn of Discovery: road to Republicanism

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 8:02 AM on Monday, October 26, 2009

anno 1701 dawn of discovery, resigned gamer


anno 1701, dawn of discovery, nintendo ds, resigned gamerA public servant's work is never done...


President Jimmy Carter envisioned government as the "contrivance of human wisdom to provide for human wants," and said that that people had a right to expect those wants to be provided for by that wisdom.

And in the spirit of this lofty yet pragmatic vision, the Dawn of Discovery series is to be commended for its message of man’s endless striving to improve himself and his situation.

In Anno 1701: Dawn of Discovery and it's simplified sequel, simply-named Dawn of Discovery, you set out upon the New World to improve people's lives through mass-production and the exploitation of natural resources. Ism's and Schism's are tossed to the wind in this brave new hemisphere, where everything is business and nothing is personal.

When your primary course of action is transaction, even the recourse to piracy is bribery. Use of ungentlemanly force is truly a last resort, and only exercised with such cold asymmetry as a mortgage in foreclosure.

Eschewing this distasteful combat, most of the game focuses on providing for your people so that they might better themselves. After meeting their physiological needs with shelter, food, and clothing are met, you tend to your flock’s intellectual cultivation with religion. Others seek study in schools, and companionship in taverns. Soon they are a civilized people, sipping tea with sugar and attending the theatre with their university-educated children.

Like any level-headed European populace, your colonists are happy to pay their share for the government services you provide, enhancing their quality of life with crime prevention, sanitation, and universal healthcare.

Living in such an elevated age, with their stomachs full and senses stimulated, your people may finally turn to the higher pursuits of inflating real estate values and the endless accumulation of jewelry and chocolate.

And inexplicably, at this apex of their evolution, your people become unhappy. As a class, they are inconsolably dissatisfied and preoccupied with lowering their tax rates…

Space Quest IV: the prime directive

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 8:09 AM on Monday, October 19, 2009

space quest iv, space quest 4, sq4, sierra pc adventure game, resigned gamer
Having only the use of our own two eyes, it's natural to assume that others see things the same way we do. But like beetles and bent trees, perception is shaped by our experience. That which does not apply is discarded, and from many we become one, peering aghast at impossible forms of life across the water. We are islands, but never too far...Or far enough. When winter is not upon us it's on the way, and you're going to have to trade with the natives. So try to get comfortable- we don't walk in each others' shoes to see how they'll fit.

Choplifter: too heavy for Superman

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 8:05 AM on Monday, October 12, 2009

choplifter motivational poster, sega master system, resigned gamer
No matter how safe, strong, secure, or sure we feel, every good thing hangs by a string. We sleep suspended on a spider web and be it force of god, will, or inertia, there is little that keeps us from dropping of our own weight. Some things can never be put back together again, because all the king's horses and all the king's men know it's not the fall that kills you.

I'd say be careful, but we know that's not the cure. I'd say live in the present, but what then do we live for? If you straighten up and fly right you'll miss the forest for the trees, but save yourself and soon you'll have no one left to please.


The truth is I'm tired of giving advice I can never seem to follow. I'm tired of playing these games I can never seem to win. I'm stuck in a low, dark place and waiting for a lift. I need someone else to do it this time.

Elevator Action: the shaft of solitude

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 8:06 AM on Monday, September 28, 2009

elevator action motivational poster, resigned gamer
The power on my block was out all Sunday, and it was the first time I'd read a book in months. No work, no games, no humming appliances or hot tub- just time and thoughts. It wasn't the most comfortable day I'd ever spent with myself, but one in which I was present, for a change.

Winnie the Pooh: what friends are for

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 9:15 PM on Tuesday, September 22, 2009

winnie the pooh threadless tshirt a very naughty bear
Silly bear, your Tao will not save you.



Buy the shirt.