the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Risk of Rain: Be here now

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 2:26 PM on Monday, March 16, 2015

The stimuli we surround ourselves with is easily turned off, but what about the thoughts in our heads? Some days it seems I can't stop replaying the same scenarios to their unsatisfactory end, always just a step behind where they began. I miss so much this way, mind astray from the pleasures of today. And it's not them- it's me. Standing still is death, but the crowd carried with you cannot be escaped. All we can change is ourselves. Get stronger, and hold tight to whatever helps you through. Because it really does just get more difficult.

Risk of Rain

And thanks to freakhunter for the screenshot. I'm dead long before this shit happens.

Resigned Gamer Returns?

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 12:35 PM on Friday, March 6, 2015

There are a lot of reasons I stopped writing Resigned Gamer, but in hindsight I think the most important reason is that I stopped being resigned. In fact, over the past few years, I've become overwhelmed with optimism. Sure all the new console games still suck, and I can’t look at someone’s screen on the subway without seeing Candy Crush, but why does that have to be my problem?

I stopped playing PC games around the PS2 era. I never got into Steam, and completely missed the indie renaissance that was springing up everywhere, and is now in full bloom. Then, as a wedding present, Doomeru (bless his useless heart) built me my very own custom gaming compy. Oh yeah, I got married, too. And Doomeru and his Flower Girl now have two sons! The older one, who is 3, is learning his (ragdoll) physics from Trials Fusion and how to be a good big brother from “The Brothers Game” (just don’t tell him how it ends).   

But anyway, I feel like I’ve been living in The Saboteur all these years- the whole black & white world thing, not the whole inattentive Nazis everywhere thing- and suddenly I’m seeing what will be instead of what was. It started dawning on me with Osmos and SpaceChem, and I’ve been hooked on indie games ever since. Since this blog went dormant I’ve systematically devoured, in regrettably undocumented but roughly chronological order: Hotline Miami, Space Pirates and Zombies, Ring Runner, Shank, Bastion, Unity of Command, Frozen Synapse, Ironclad Tactics, Mark of the Ninja, Limbo, TheSwapper, Steamworld Dig, Papers Please, Hoplite, Halfway, Calculords, Shank 2, Gemini Rue, Mercenary Kings, Unepic, Super Motherload, Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet, Rogue Legacy, Guacamelee, Out There, Ittle Dew, Deadlight, Super Win The Game, Capsized, Ravenmark SOE, and The Banner Saga. They’ve all been absolutely amazing experiences that I wish I’d wrote about while playing, but I’m unaccustomed to saying anything that isn’t self-deprecatory or snark. I’ll try to change that moving forward.

Another reason I stopped pouring my frustrations into this bitter pothole of the internet is that I finally escaped the newspaper industry. I took an extended vacation earned an MBA at the University of Michigan (go blue…beat bama…or something…), and now I pretend to work in Corporate Finance! It’s not exactly exhilarating, but I don’t bring it home with me. It also leaves me unoccupied enough to ponder a question: Can Doomeru and I become indie game investors?

So we’ve started reaching out to indie developers who are working on games we’d love to play. We’re going to try to follow the example (and terms) of the amazing Indie Fund, and by working on a limited, per-project basis, hope to identify people we could form more meaningful, long-term relationships with. Hopefully we’ll find a way to participate in this world we've always been passionate about, but on the outside of. Hopefully we’ll learn something without losing our shirts. I’ll let you know how it goes...

Dark Souls 2: All we have is time

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 6:00 AM on Monday, November 24, 2014

Daunting as it all is, the hardest part is getting out of bed in the morning; Convincing ourselves to leave the warmth of respite for a world which leaves us half dead and empty inside, once and once again. We grow stronger, more accustomed, true, but on pace with each inane demand, that's trickier to do. So we seek someone to lean on, earn our achievements by halves and thirds and say that helping helps the helper so it all evens out. All at once we wonder how our actions could ever guide another through this fog, and if someone somewhere will ever reach out for us. I'm here, I showed up, I'm waiting, tracking trails of tales of deeds when life is in the doing, making mine no life at all. By comparison it's easier, smoother, simpler, and would I rather spill my blood? Yes- for souls aren't lost in losing, just carelessness and falls. Toss it all in the fire, my friend, let's see what you can do.

SpaceChem: action, reaction

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 6:26 PM on Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Have no idea what's going on here? Neither do I.

When was the last time a game truly challenged you? Okay, besides Dark Souls.

When was the last time a game not only challenged you, but was a challenge for you to even play?

SpaceChem has stretched my brain far further then my corporate finance class ever could, and I've barely even scratched the surface.

Maybe it's just because my mind doesn't work like an engineer's or a programmer's, but shouldn't that be the point? To challenge the way we think, push ourselves beyond our comfort zones, and from all our fruitless fumbling find satisfaction?


Skyrim: the world is not enough

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 1:20 PM on Tuesday, August 7, 2012

67 hours, 35 minutes, 56 seconds, and absolutely no satisfaction or closure to speak of.

Yes, a lot of people put a lot of love in this game. Yes, it is broad and deep and finally brings the RPG genre full circle with Sandbox gaming. Yes, I could have sunk another 100 hours into it without seeing everything, stupid "radiant quest" gimmick notwithstanding.

But here's the thing:

I don't need another world. Dealing with my own is already more fun and frustration than I can handle. What I need are stories that inspire me, challenges that reward me, and something that actually qualifies as a game. Preferably without thirty seconds of loading for every minute of playing.

Unless I can steal cars. And get fat.