Dead Space 2: not alive

Smooth, unobjectionable Isaac Clarke...now with talking!

I remember thoroughly enjoying Dead Space, but nothing else about it. Playing through the sequel reminded me why.

This franchise is polished and playable, with a pleasing aesthetic, but entirely unremarkable.

The only thing I have to say about Dead Space is that there’s nothing to say about Dead Space. Which I guess is fine- I thoroughly enjoyed the Uncharted series as well, but couldn’t write anything worth the kilobytes there either.

At least the vomitous proliferation of sequel and spinoff keeps this creeping necromorphism contained within titles…

Dead Space Extraction: exhausting

Dear Electronic Arts, Since some unscalable providence has caused you to publish a franchise I can sit through, indulge me this unsolicited advice on how you’ll best monetize it:

Being constantly startled is not the same as being scared.

Hurtling forward is not the same as having momentum.

Running everywhere does not make you fast-paced, and causes you to miss things, like ammo, health, or plot.

Making dialogue unskippable does not make it compelling.

And the last time anyone was shaken by a rail shooter, it involved hydraulics…no, that doesn’t mean you should make a peripheral.