the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Dead Space Extraction: exhausting

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 1:05 PM on Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Dear Electronic Arts, Since some unscalable providence has caused you to publish a franchise I can sit through, indulge me this unsolicited advice on how you’ll best monetize it:

Being constantly startled is not the same as being scared.

Hurtling forward is not the same as having momentum.

Running everywhere does not make you fast-paced, and causes you to miss things, like ammo, health, or plot.

Making dialogue unskippable does not make it compelling.

And the last time anyone was shaken by a rail shooter, it involved hydraulics…no, that doesn’t mean you should make a peripheral.