the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Warhammer 40,000, Squad Command: Did not suck that bad

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 9:08 AM on Monday, December 31, 2007

sir cucumber's bitter corner, the resigned gamerSo either this GameSpot writer was having a bad day or THQ should have bought more ad space, because Warhammer does not deserve such low marks.

Sure it’s got warts- who hasn’t? I’ve got one on the back of my right hand!

Yes, it’s hard to be precise with movement orders in the absence of a grid, but you’re playing without a fucking grid!

Yes, “Many times there is no way to determine how a shot will turn out unless you simply give it a try and squeeze off a round, which of course is a big waste of action points in a game where you need to hoard them like gold,” but you get to choose the odds when deciding how much action to invest in a shot, and what game doesn’t involve an element of chance? Would you rather have to push a button at the right fucking time, every time? Didn’t you ever play Jagged Alliance?

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No, the camera can’t zoom out and rotate 360 degrees to give you complete visibility of the battlefield, but maybe if you weren’t such a fucking moron you wouldn’t need this to keep from getting your stupid head blown off.

And so long as we’re harping on “interface and control issues” and bemoaning what this games lacks: It doesn’t ask you to lick a button to confirm every single waypoint selection, attack order, unit facing, unit stance, or turn completion. All glaring omissions, clearly.

I actually never did “wonder why RedLynx didn't swap the controls.” If you believe it would be “a lot easier to use the analog pad” than the D-pad for anything on the PSP then, I don’t know, go play Wipeout or something.

What I do wonder about is how anyone could say turn-based strategy games “don’t easily mesh with handheld systems.” Are you kidding? FF Tactics. Jeanne D’arc. Field Commander. Battles of Prince of Persia. Advance. Fucking. Wars. Or do you not consider these “tactical simulations” because you can’t blow up walls and barrels? Douchebag.

I take back the part about this GameSpot writer having a bad day. Clearly every day is a bad day for Brett Todd. What kind of a name is that anyway? It’s still not too late to fire this guy and juke the stats!

full disclosure: The lowest review of this game actually came from IGN but I link to GameSpot for comparison reviews because on the whole my inclinations tend to line up most with them...And Ryan Clements is a semantics-obsessed dickwad whose strongest rhetorical nut was that a game called "Squad Command" couldn't let you effectively command your whole squad at once. Who'd want to do that anyway?

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pwnd!