the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Resigned Gamer receives its first press release. Schwag not forthcoming.

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 5:07 PM on Thursday, June 26, 2008

video game news from the resigned gamer

Look out Kotaku, Popular Mechanics just sent us our first-ever press release. Because our sagely criticism and witticism is just that relevant. I wonder if they like haiku?

My first thought after reading this was "Popular Mechanics covers video games?"

My second thought after reading this was "If I cut the mold off this sweet potato, do you think I could still have it for dinner?"

I don't remember what my third thought was.

But anyway, no, Matt, I doubt my readers are up for a little debate- consisting solely of friends and family, they support my eccentric proclivities for antisocial electronic entertainment with the kind of shrugging acceptance only friends or family can- and when it comes to anything Wii-related neither am I. There's nothing to debate about the Wii. It's a glaring and painful disappointment. What else is there to say?

So instead I'll just publish your press release, verbatim, with red comments.

Hey, gaming bloggers!

hey. who the fuck are you and how did you find this email?

Thought your readers might be up for a little debate courtesy of Popular Mechanics:

...go on...

10 Classic Games We Want on the Nintendo Wii Virtual Console
After a workout with the Wii Fit, you might want to kick back and relax with a Wii game that doesn’t involve yoga poses or arm flailing. That’s where Nintendo's Virtual Console comes in: cheap, instant Wi-Fi downloads of all the best nostalgic video games from yesteryear (Super Mario 3! Zelda II!). Well, not exactly all. Dozens of games from NES, SNES, N64, Sega Genesis and TurboGrafx 16 are currently available, and the list is growing—but slowly. Sure, you can find wannabes online, and even in Firefox 3.0 widgets, but here’s a handful of throwbacks we’re still waiting for, and how soon we think we’ll get ’em.

...yeah i'm not reading this paragraph...

Here’s our full list:

thank you Matt, you're too kind.

Oh, yes, the console FPS "casual gamers" played when every FPS worth playing was on PC. If there's one thing I'm nostalgic for it's fumbling around with a Nintendo 64 controller while squinting at a little square in the bottom left-hand corner of a 12-inch TV until someone mercifully fragged me. I never even got to be the cook. Yes lets bring this one back.

good, but you seem to have buried the lede...

Mortal Kombat
get over here!

Castlevania III
Why play III when you can play II?

Bad Dudes (!)
haha, funny! I had no idea Popular Mechanics did snark.

Super Mario Kart
oh god not you too, Matt. And I was just starting to like you.

...yeah, no.

Demon Sword
I without witty rejoinder. You win this one, flak, but next time...

The Punisher
Actually I believe you meant to say Cabal. Besides, this version doesn't even have torture mini games.

whatever man. it's your five bucks.

Enjoy—and see you at E3! Really? I'm going to E3? SCORE!


Matt Sullivan
Online Editor
Popular Mechanics
300 West 57th Street
New York, NY 10019


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