the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Ratchet & Clank - Size Matters: Supersize me...

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 6:39 AM on Wednesday, April 16, 2008

sir cucumber's bitter corner, the resigned gamer
Ratchet's not out to expand your gaming horizons with high-falutin open sandbox stealthy jumpy time-reversey space-shifting plot-twisting ellipsestic soliloquy. He provides a palatable product, whose quality consumers can depend upon to remain consistent and readily deliverable, regardless of iteration or environment, with kitschy unlockables, at good value, for the entire family. Like a Happy Meal. He's less the bipedal rodent with which you'd discuss Nietzsche's Birth of Tragedy than the one you dial for a 4 am booty call.

The guy's no Sly Cooper, but Ratchet never disappoints. Except, of course, that the camera's about as cooperative as an epileptic on an anime binge until you figure out how to activate auto-strafing.

One thing I cannot condone, though, is the underhanded way they've greased you through since part 2 by rewarding repeated deaths with additional experience and money. Even worse than Puzzle Quest, Ratchet's implied lack of consequences will surely leave a lasting impact on the development of America's fat children into fat adults.

But we all have our guilty pleasures and secret vices. And for a man with such hording, miserly inclinations as myself, there are almost no more satisfying in-game moments than performing a wrench stomp, in a room full of crates, with a bolt magnet. It's something I'd gladly die to do again.


thanks for the photo, mom.