the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Haiku for well-trodden tracks

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 9:00 AM on Friday, March 28, 2008

video game haiku from the resigned gamer

I don't subscribe to meditation, much to mother's chagrin. I never could sit still that long without a controller in my hands. But I believe in the principle, and feel we can find it in our daily lives not through consciously not doing, but through consciously doing that which we do every day. The morning coffee and lolcats, followed forty-five minutes later by a productive bathroom break. Nine hours afterwards the smell of sauteing garlic, a beer from the very back of the fridge. Rinsing, drying, stacking dishes, stars on the porch with the day's single cigarette, walking the dog before bed. The small, simple, routine tasks and treats that take us through the hours between Bioshock and Call of Duty can be blessings if we let them. If we own them. They are the small keys that lead to the map, the compass, and the larger key, which open on our demons and our treasures, and we discover them over, and over, and over, and over.


This week's haiku go out to all our comforting rituals, no matter how mundane.


ZELDA.

i may be little
but i contain many hearts
hearts big as texas

zelda hearts, resigned gamer
have half a heart left
scared to enter the next room
needz mah red potion!

zelda buttsex, resigned gamer
bullying chickens
yields feathered retribution
strength flies in numbers



link works so damn hard
yet the game's named after her?
the sex aint that good

zelda fat, resigned gamer
great, now I'm a wolf
must howl in perfect pitch
girl ain't worth this shit

zelda fags, resigned gamer
why can't the bitch learn?
you see a pigface you run.
it's just that simple.

zelda pants, resigned gamer
tingle we should talk
you can't keep coming around
it scares the children

zelda art, resigned gamer
magic talking boat
please have mercy upon me
let me drown myself

zelda windwaker, resigned gamer
magic talking hat
i think you would love my friend
magic talking boat

zelda lampshade, resigned gamer
slashing at grasses
seeking rupees in the dirt
did you check the couch?

zelda bukkit, resigned gamer
i wield tiny sword
and pointy little green hat
oh so fucking what

zelda cosplay, resigned gamer
HAPPY ZELDA WEEK, EVERYBODY!

Thanks to Doomeru, his flower girl, Kn0thing, and Mr. Mooch for all your contributions, and everybody (anybody?) out there reading.

You're what keeps me banging my head against the wall.