the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Haiku for chivalrous toughs

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 8:32 AM on Friday, February 29, 2008

video game haiku from the resigned gamer

Street smarts and years of experience have taught me there are only two types of heroes in this world: those that are fighting to rescue their girlfriends, and those that are gay. Because ladies, if he's not willing to repeatedly jump-kick his way through hordes of thugs, karate masters, and at least 12 men twice his size to save you from captivity, then he's just not worth it and you should stop getting your stupid ass in trouble, skank. Last week went out to the do-gooders. This week is for the musclebound misogynists we all know and love.


Kn0thing starts us off...

FINAL FIGHT

knives are for cody

haggar only needs his pants

he's mayor of pain town

haggar, final fight, the resigned gamer
cruel aggression

it makes me drop to my knees
exclaim oh! my car

cody, final fight, the resigned gamer
i am short of breath
can't extinguish dynamite
loan me a quarter

haggar, dynamite, game over, the resigned gamer, final fight
RENEGADE

mister K. don't play
look out for his backwards kick
he will sit on you

renegade, nes, the resigned gamer
K is not afraid
to hit women in high heels

bitch had it coming

hit women, resigned gamer, renegade, nes
In lil' kim's embrace

mama with meat on her bones

die a happy man

fat bitch, renegade, nes, the resigned gamer
DOUBLE DRAGON


jimmy comes along
not cause he's a good brother

hopes for a threesome

double dragon, nes, resigned gamer
jimmy how could you
no need to be shadow boss

i would have shared her

double dragon, shadow boss, resigned gamer
THE ADVENTURES OF BAYOU BILLY


must be some mistake
i am not australian
now please let her go

bayou billy, resigned gamer, nes
Got your own haiku? Of course you don't. I'd ask you to post it in the comments or submit it to resignedgamer@gmail.com, but I know you won't.