Haiku for chivalrous toughs

Street smarts and years of experience have taught me there are only two types of heroes in this world: those that are fighting to rescue their girlfriends, and those that are gay. Because ladies, if he's not willing to repeatedly jump-kick his way through hordes of thugs, karate masters, and at least 12 men twice his size to save you from captivity, then he's just not worth it and you should stop getting your stupid ass in trouble, skank. Last week went out to the do-gooders. This week is for the musclebound misogynists we all know and love.

Kn0thing starts us off...

FINAL FIGHT

knives are for cody
haggar only needs his pants
he's mayor of pain town


cruel aggression
it makes me drop to my knees
exclaim oh! my car


i am short of breath
can't extinguish dynamite
loan me a quarter


RENEGADE

mister K. don't play
look out for his backwards kick
he will sit on you


K is not afraid
to hit women in high heels
bitch had it coming


In lil' kim's embrace
mama with meat on her bones
die a happy man


DOUBLE DRAGON

jimmy comes along
not cause he's a good brother
hopes for a threesome


jimmy how could you
no need to be shadow boss
i would have shared her


THE ADVENTURES OF BAYOU BILLY

must be some mistake
i am not australian
now please let her go

Got your own haiku? Of course you don't. I'd ask you to post it in the comments or submit it to resignedgamer@gmail.com, but I know you won't.