Metroid Prime 3: Defenseless Beast Hunter

I've waited a long time for Metroid Prime 3. Since two E3's ago I've followed developments with it. Amazing how fast time flies and now it's mine. Months ago, I told Sir Cucumber I would play and win the fuck out of this game. That I would beat it with a rubber hose. He then advised my girlfriend to leave me for her own safety and stole the Wii's power adapter. I've recovered one of those things and having played for about 9 hours and gotten 50% completion, I can say with certainty that Prime 3 is pretty damn good.

I like my Metroids like I like my Zelda games: tons of crap to collect, lots of backtracking, environmental puzzles, really anything that kills time when I should instead be advancing the plot. When everyone else was playing Halo 2 multiplayer I was amassing missile expansions.

But that isn't the main reason I consider the Prime series a better action experience than Halo, no sir. People always expound on the atmospheric nature of the Halo games, but all you really get to do is kill armed humanoids. Metroid is all about massacring local wildlife! Have you ever been attacked by lightning-spewing wasps in Halo? I didn't think so. If you want, you can even research the indigenous fauna prior to killing it!

"Don't make me come over there and scan you!"