the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Final Golden Sunset Timberdukesons

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 3:31 PM on Wednesday, April 9, 2008

video game commentary from the resigned gamer, timber, final fight, simpsons, golden axe, duke nukem

Doomeru:
what was that arcade we'd hit, that had the shooter where you rode in the mine cart?
Doomeru: it also had ridge racer and the hologram game

Sir Cucumber: that was the bridgewater arena
Sir Cucumber: and still exists

Doomeru: wow, no wai

Sir Cucumber: well remember it was an ice hockey rink
Sir Cucumber: god knows what it has now
Sir Cucumber: probably just cowboys of moo mesa

Doomeru: good game
Doomeru: i mean, any game would be good with the sunset riders format
Doomeru: hmm, what else could you shoehorn into that?

Sir Cucumber: timber.

Doomeru: with the bees?

Sir Cucumber: you'd just walk to the right
Sir Cucumber: and hack people's knees with your axe
Sir Cucumber: and then push them
Sir Cucumber: the first boss would be the shift boss
Sir Cucumber: chompin his cigar

Doomeru: marry me wif mah cigarz

Sunset Riders, Timber, Resigned Gamer
Sir Cucumber: and it would go straight downhill from there
Sir Cucumber: then you'd have to fight robots
Sir Cucumber: and chicks with whips
Sir Cucumber: a couple guys that look like andre the giant

Doomeru: and a guy that can occasionally block, just to mess with you

Sir Cucumber: but not if you only hit him once
Sir Cucumber: when he walks onto your plane
Sir Cucumber: and then walked away, repeating the process until he died

Final Fight, Timber, Resigned Gamer
Doomeru: we'd need a subway level

Sir Cucumber: and a guy on roller skates

Doomeru: would there be a baby lumberjack in a lumberjack droid suit?

Sir Cucumber: he would be the robot level boss

Doomeru: also need pyro. cause you know, for fags

Sir Cucumber: nah you could just have magic lumberjack buttlove power like when marge and homer stared at each other.

Simpsons, Timber, Resigned Gamer
Sir Cucumber: why would they be fighting?

Doomeru:
oh someone stole their trees.

Sir Cucumber:
no one steals our trees...

Doomeru:
and lives!

Sir Cucumber:
it’s time to kick ass and cut trees
Doomeru:
and i'm all outa trees.........

Sir Cucumber:
oh, no, there's another one, just sprouted up out of
the ground.

Sir Cucumber: let me get that
Sir Cucumber: ok
Sir Cucumber: now i'm allll out of treees......

Duke Nukem 3D, Timber, Resigned Gamer
Sir Cucumber: do you think they could jump, or just shove?

Doomeru: just shove.
Doomeru:
and you’d have to steal beef jerky from elves to replenish your health.

Sir Cucumber: So basically it would be golden axe without jumping, running, kicking, throwing, or riding animals and you could only use the dwarf.

Doomeru: yeah.

Sir Cucumber: okay.
Golden Axe, Timber, Resigned Gamer