the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Final Golden Sunset Timberdukesons

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 3:31 PM on Wednesday, April 9, 2008

video game commentary from the resigned gamer, timber, final fight, simpsons, golden axe, duke nukem

what was that arcade we'd hit, that had the shooter where you rode in the mine cart?
Doomeru: it also had ridge racer and the hologram game

Sir Cucumber: that was the bridgewater arena
Sir Cucumber: and still exists

Doomeru: wow, no wai

Sir Cucumber: well remember it was an ice hockey rink
Sir Cucumber: god knows what it has now
Sir Cucumber: probably just cowboys of moo mesa

Doomeru: good game
Doomeru: i mean, any game would be good with the sunset riders format
Doomeru: hmm, what else could you shoehorn into that?

Sir Cucumber: timber.

Doomeru: with the bees?

Sir Cucumber: you'd just walk to the right
Sir Cucumber: and hack people's knees with your axe
Sir Cucumber: and then push them
Sir Cucumber: the first boss would be the shift boss
Sir Cucumber: chompin his cigar

Doomeru: marry me wif mah cigarz

Sunset Riders, Timber, Resigned Gamer
Sir Cucumber: and it would go straight downhill from there
Sir Cucumber: then you'd have to fight robots
Sir Cucumber: and chicks with whips
Sir Cucumber: a couple guys that look like andre the giant

Doomeru: and a guy that can occasionally block, just to mess with you

Sir Cucumber: but not if you only hit him once
Sir Cucumber: when he walks onto your plane
Sir Cucumber: and then walked away, repeating the process until he died

Final Fight, Timber, Resigned Gamer
Doomeru: we'd need a subway level

Sir Cucumber: and a guy on roller skates

Doomeru: would there be a baby lumberjack in a lumberjack droid suit?

Sir Cucumber: he would be the robot level boss

Doomeru: also need pyro. cause you know, for fags

Sir Cucumber: nah you could just have magic lumberjack buttlove power like when marge and homer stared at each other.

Simpsons, Timber, Resigned Gamer
Sir Cucumber: why would they be fighting?

oh someone stole their trees.

Sir Cucumber:
no one steals our trees...

and lives!

Sir Cucumber:
it’s time to kick ass and cut trees
and i'm all outa trees.........

Sir Cucumber:
oh, no, there's another one, just sprouted up out of
the ground.

Sir Cucumber: let me get that
Sir Cucumber: ok
Sir Cucumber: now i'm allll out of treees......

Duke Nukem 3D, Timber, Resigned Gamer
Sir Cucumber: do you think they could jump, or just shove?

Doomeru: just shove.
and you’d have to steal beef jerky from elves to replenish your health.

Sir Cucumber: So basically it would be golden axe without jumping, running, kicking, throwing, or riding animals and you could only use the dwarf.

Doomeru: yeah.

Sir Cucumber: okay.
Golden Axe, Timber, Resigned Gamer