the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Dead Island: dead inside

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 11:39 PM on Wednesday, April 18, 2012

 I wonder how he got up there...

Whenever I'm eating shit, I always try to pick out the most digestible clumps.

Like Dead Island, for instance, which seldom stretches out an excursion, or finds itself floating around after the moment has passed. Just straight onto the next fetch quest.

I can't think of any other games brave enough to let you run away from 85% of their challenges- unless you count Mirror's Edge, but who would do a thing like that to themselves?
On further reflection, "run past" is probably more accurate than "run away," seeing as how the amount of zombies on screen never nears the amount it would take to obstruct someone, let alone threaten them...Seriously, this game throws more F-bombs at you than zombies, and we're all immune to infection here anyway, right? Gosh that's so convenient!

But it wasn't this Tourettes-inspired dialogue or epic misunderstanding of what makes zombies any more compelling than subway panhandlers that bothered me...I wasn't even particularly put off wondering where all the straight-jacketed linebacker zombies came from...

What I never recovered from was how, even before your character learns that zombie apocalypse has struck, leaving wads of cash and candy bars in every conceivable corner and cabinet, they have no compunction against walking into the neighboring hotel room and looting it.

 Resigned Gamer Rule #6: Always pick the large black man.