the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

The Darkness...It does not hide my shame.

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 2:37 PM on Monday, November 26, 2007

video game design critique from the resigned gamer, manhunter

I can understand how it would seem appealing to put yourself in the shoes of a tall, brooding hitman risen from the dead by dark supernatural powers which enable him to chew through an entire SWAT team with infinite bullets, a 30-foot tentacular claw, nightmare snake minions that eat the hearts of his enemies, and black holes created at will in search of street justice, but there’s a reason why The Crow never became a video game franchise.

And this isn’t it.

It’s because that stuff is simply no fun.

Sure the snake thing is pretty cool the first ten times until you realize, kneeling in the dark under the light bulb you just shot out, that you’re never going to die. Not ever.

Games get more “cinematic” and “accessible” each day another Maxim-reading 30-something middle management moron plunks down $499 to play the latest Madden on PS3 or another earnest douschebag gets his girlfriend hooked on Wii Tennis, but aren’t they easy enough already with regenerating health and checkpoints every other step?

I still see everything through till the end, but handing out "achievement” points for that doesn’t necessarily make it so.

You want a game that would be “cinematic,” if not “accessible?” Let me be Alvarez in Oz.

And next time give Lauren Ambrose red hair, please.

**Did you catch our Darkness hit single on ytmnd yet?**