the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Urban Chaos: Love your job

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 8:51 AM on Monday, November 5, 2007

sir cucumber's bitter corner, the resigned gamerThere's something to be said for a game that knows its limitations. For a game that does one thing well instead of making a half-ass attempt at covering six different genres at once and having a plot that "makes you think."

Urban Chaos is just such a game.

Never mind that "terrorist" gangs are attacking paramedics, firemen, and dockworkers for no apparent reason. Never mind that they all wear hockey masks.

Never mind that all this terror occurs in an unnamed city, referred to by the Channel 7 news anchor/narrator as "our city." Never mind that this anchor, who opens every level with breaking reports of the latest terrorist attack, works longer hours than Pat Kiernan.

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Urban Chaos News Anchor, the Resigned GamerNever mind what's wrong with this picture

Never mind that the unnamed city's solution is to form a "special police unit with military authority" whose members are awarded medals for every 10 people they taser or shoot in the face.

Because, Due Process be damned, I like tasering people and shooting them in the face. And the only thing better than doing it to a couple people is doing it to hundreds of them.

And I don't want to run around picking up health and ammo either- if you're not man enough to get through the level with what you've got then you don't deserve a friggin medal. Unless, of course, you tasered or shot 10 people in the face.

And all these medals need to mean something. No I don't want any fucking unlockable concept art, thank you, give me more range on my taser, or a better scope with which to shoot people in the face.

What I'm trying to say is it's all about flow. Too many times in too many games playing is more like working, be it grinding, scrolling, trolling, patrolling, backtracking, or fishing. A little repetition (or a lot) isn't so bad if it happens smoothly, and quickly, without all the bullshit. So lock and load.