The Sopranos: Road to Respect - I'd rather beat prostate

What can I say? Like any pistolino on the planet with half a brain and HBO, I loved the Sopranos. And Gamestop had a three-for-two sale on used inventory.

Buying Road to Respect broke my rule of mediocrity, but I just knew something would make this piece of shit worth it. And something, other than the fact that you can skip all three logo splash screens, almost did.

In the first five minutes you smash a guy’s teeth on the pavement, get a lap-dance, and listen to the real Paulie Walnuts complaining about his agita. You’re right there, in the Bing, just hanging out with Tony and his crew, and hoping they’ll say something else.

And then for the next eight hours you’re running errands for A.J., collecting randomly scattered iPods off the ground, and light-punching people to death.

When we first heard there was going to be a Sopranos game, Doomeru and I joked that it would be a teamwork puzzler in the vein of Lost Vikings: Tony would punch down doors, Christopher would jump over things, and Sil would have the map.

In hindsight we might have come up with a more compelling adventure than the quest of Big Pussy Bonpensiero’s bastard son to earn respect, which begins with the “respect gauge” at 100% and never dips below 96% unless you get tired of mashing the X button and shoot someone in public.

And all I wanted to do was get Tony a sandwich.

Hit the jump to see the best part of this game >>

oh...and don't forget the gay guy in the other room.


...and it's straight downhill from there...