the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Spore: a game that can kiss its own ass

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 10:16 AM on Wednesday, June 20, 2007

sir cucumber's bitter corner, the resigned gamerPoor, sad, Kotaku. Spore delayed indefinitely?

Oh fucking meh.

The sims sucked, sim town sucked, sim isle sucked, sim earth sucked, sim ant (was not so awful, I guess) sucked, sim life sucked, sim-fucking-morning-dump sucked, and so will this game.

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Unless it comes with Robin Williams in the box this game has absolutely zero redeeming qualities to recommend itself to me.

If I wanted to shape the existence of a new life-form I'd get a puppy. If I wanted to share it with the world I'd be on fucking Facebook.

Maybe I'm in the minority for it, but I don't want game developers to leave it all up to me. I want them to step up and take some ownership of their creation. I don't want an environment that unfolds with my omnipotent choices for good or evil- I want a fucking story. With a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Will Wright is a pompous windbag who wouldn't know compelling gameplay if it snuck up behind him with a plastic bag and a shard of broken glass, jacked his vespa, and built a bouncy castle on his ass.


alexis [kn0thing] said...

There is quite a bit of vitriol in this post. I hope Will Wright is reading this and bounces a castle off your ass.

That and I hope he starts calling the game Spore: Forever.

Doomeru Woebashi said...

I don't know. Given how Sir Cucumber treats his Theme Parks, that Castle might fall apart before it ever reaches him.

Timothy said...

OH Meh your(sim)self!
It's time to get on board fellas!

Spore represents our only hope:
"it's time to reconsider games, to recognize what's different about them and how they benefit - not denigrate - culture."

alexis [kn0thing] said...

Wha? A real person -- or have our bloggers just come up with an uninspired new screenname?

Sir Cucumber said...

yes, are you REAL, Timothy? Do you, "exist?" Indiscriminate gaming palette aside, you may be eligible for the warming glow welcome of the first-not-alexis-guest door prize!

Timothy said...

Yes, Timothy is real, uninspired and indiscriminate.

I am an acquaintance of doomeru who would rather be commenting than working on direct mail

Sir Cucumber said...

hmmm, an associate of Doomeru, eh? Well there's definitely no accounting for taste then. And as for working on direct mail, I'll admit I'd prefer to play spore...But not by much.

Doomeru Woebashi said...

Sim Direct Mail Campaign, anyone? How about with disaster modes you could activate like Misaligned Text and Sexually-explicit Watermarks. Oh no!

Timothy said...

I think I'd rather watch someone play Spore than have to deal with Sim Direct Mail. It just sounds too real .

Sir Cucumber said...

Afraid you lose, Timothy. The correct answer is Sim Direct Mail. You've chosen incorrectly and will not receive the door prize today, but please try again soon!