the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Nintendo wants me to give up

Posted by Doomeru Woebashi at 12:06 AM on Tuesday, June 5, 2007

doomeru woebashi's soggy cardboard-covered exhaust grate, the resigned gamerI really thought world 6-1 of Super Paper Mario was going to save this game. It seemed to have a lot going for it: Japanese setting, cool music, Sammer Guys (get it! Ha friggin ha). Nintendo rarely incorporates Japanese imagery into their games so I appreciated the katanas and overal feudal setting. Plus, unlike in Black Belt, I didn't have to jump around eating flying mochi and seaweed cakes.

I meet my first Sammer Guy and I have to fight him. Being an enterprising guy, I switch to Bowser and immediately beat him with a fireball. Cute. Suddenly I'm told I have to fight 99 more of these guys. I figure this is just some more idle chatter, that something will come along and interrupt my battles, saving me in some silly fashion from what would become more chore than game.

Instead, I go on to fight 19 more basically identical enemies, each one easily killed by a fireball but requiring me to click through pre and post-fight text as well as going from screen to screen. This is sick.

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Mario Paper, Wii
A lot of funny stuff going on in this picture. I mentioned I was using Bowser, which must be part of Nintendo's whole push to break the fourth wall in games or let you explore the dark side or something. Bowser's got a little leaf sprouting from his nose too, which is actually an item. I'd tell you why it's there, but I don't want to spoil this epic for you.

I actually ended up encountering 26 Sammer Guys, the last 6 didn't even fight me. I just walked up to them, clicked through nonsense dialogue, and moved on. There wasn't even a boss at the end of the stage to justify the 40 minutes I spent. Never before has moving from the left to the right side of the screen felt so apparent, as if there really isn't a game in my Wii and instead just an experiment to test my tolerance. Thanks, Nintendo.


mknight said...

Instead of all those Sammers, would a fat,disgruntled Inuyasha final boss have made a difference??

chungkaishek said...

I think so. I can't imagine how he'd look in 2D though.