the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Commuting with Metal Gear Acid: This is the worst trip I've ever been on

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 9:45 PM on Monday, June 4, 2007

sir cucumber's bitter corner, the resigned gamerI played Metal Gear 3 out of some sick, passive-aggressive sense of obligation.

I considered its increasingly impossible sneaking action and self indulgent, incomprehensible, unskippable dialogue only par for the course in a title that I, as a dedicated patron of the electronic entertainment art form, simply couldn’t admit to not playing…Like the “War and Peace” of video games.

I played Metal Gear Acid because my big brother hadn’t cracked Killzone for me yet.

And VintageGamer13 can keep the $12.94 with shipping but I want my 18 hours, 55 minutes, and 33 seconds back.

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Because there’s nothing more demoralizing than taking that impossible sneaking action and indulgent, incomprehensible, unskippable dialogue and making it all progress two. steps. at. a. time. And then deciding which way you should face so, after confirming that you really do want to end the turn you can’t do any more with anyway, you’ll be ready to counter an attack from one of the six enemies shuffling through their unskippable turns. Of course then they’ll probably counter your counter, but, if properly prepared, you’ll be able to counter that counter-counter. And an unskippable cut-scene for every shot!

popomatic trouble, metal gear acid, the resigned gamerSo two hours after foolishly stacking my deck with the kinds of automatic weapons and heavy explosives which computer terminals are impervious to I finally reshuffled my cards enough to defeat Metal Gear and save the western hemisphere from nuclear holocaust (again), for which I received a mission grade of “D.”

And then there was more talking. I don’t really remember what happened. It was probably just the President behind everything again though.

I feel like a fat chick at 4 a.m. who just ate a tube of cookie dough.