Brown bread, the next generation

This blog originated from our instant messaging during idle work-hours. What follows is a (cleaned up) transcript of one such session, and the first of what I hope will become an ongoing feature of this blog.

Doomeru: i'm working on proposing Grand Theft Ireland to Rockstar.
Doomeru: Grand Theft Galway

Sir Cucumber: can you steal trucks of brown sauce?
Sir Cucumber: and make Mary Mack marry you?
Sir Cucumber: sleep with your best friend's wife and then take the rap for a murder you didn’t commit?

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Doomeru: yes
Doomeru: and one of the people who gives you jobs should always be rambling about "the troubles."
Doomeru: but, like, you can start riots and footie matches
Doomeru: or clean up the hooligan problem
Doomeru: or import u.s. made clothes and sell them below cost

Sir Cucumber: and drive a tour bus really really fast

Doomeru: and you'd have to attack people with your shoe
Doomeru: and if you found a gun, the whole town would come after you, shouting Oi Oi Oi!
Doomeru: oh, and the town would be full of slags

Sir Cucumber: and you'd have to find Indian restaurants, or else get sick from the local crap

Doomeru: this is almost a real game, dude

Sir Cucumber: there have to be animals.
Sir Cucumber: lots of barnyard animals.

Doomeru: and instead of getting calls on a phone, you'd have to duck into a friggin net cafe

Sir Cucumber: oh totally
Sir Cucumber: top up your minutes

Gimme dem chips!