the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Altered Beast: all in the mind

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 7:30 AM on Monday, October 18, 2010

altered beast motivational poster, resigned gamer

I haven't been around much lately. Speaking not so much as in this blog, but in my own life.

It seems to go on without me, perhaps doing wonderful fulfilling things and nothings with wonderful fulfilling someones, somewhere, anywhere, but here, while I solve other people's petty problems. Instead of writing prose I write memos. Memos I've fooled myself could ever mean half as much to anyone as I've fooled myself they mean to me. For years I've seen this futile fight just to keep a crumbling company in one place as somehow a noble crusade, and finally seeing it clearly as a corporate treadmill is just exhausting.

Someone in the same boat, just a different ocean, said she feared we were becoming less human. Less alive. And not for lack of grand adventure but for fully experiencing the little ones. You don't know how valuable being in the moment is until you've sullied some of the precious few with thoughts in their midst of mundanity. Frustration. Disappointment. Rage. Bad enough for work to steal your week!

So we decided we'd change. If not our reality than at least its hold on us. I'm not exactly sure how. But I hope this is a start.