the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Metal Gear Solid Portable Ops: The sequel to the prequel to the reinvention of the original

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 10:09 AM on Monday, December 3, 2007

sir cucumber's bitter corner, the resigned gamerMark down another Metal Gear finished without knowing why I even started in the first place.

Was I curious about the new capture & convert feature, used to build and command an entire team for pseudo-turn-based strategic resource management? Not particularly, and it turns out the real reason you recruit enemy soldiers to walk unnoticed amongst the enemies is because the 3rd-person camera is so gropingly myopic as to render stealth a futile joke. And though having to predict, without so much as a shred of context, which uniform will let you blend in on any given level may reduce Portable Ops to a three-dimensional prescient put-the-round-peg-in-the-round-hole game where the greatest challenge is running around without bumping into people, it's still Metal Gear, right? God damn right.

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Was I curious about how this installment would bridge the gap between Metal Gear Solid 3 and the original Metal Gear Solid, not to mention the highly anticipated Metal Gear Solid 4? Fuck no. All you need to know is there are some guys called the Patriots who used to be called the Philosophers who want to use Metal Gear REX or Metal Gear RAY or Metal Gear RAXA, D, or TX-55 to launch a nuke at America or at Russia or at America and Russia and only Solid Snake or Naked Snake or The Boss or Big Boss or Raiden can stop them, but only acting actually as pawns of a larger plot orchestrated by Revolver Ocelot, formerly known as just Ocelet or as codename ADAM and eventually known as Liquid Ocelot, who is secretly in league with the CIA or the KGB or the President but really works for the Patriots. Also you wear a sneaking suit.

So why did I clog up my 4 gig PSP memstick with this game when I could have been playing Final Fantasy Tactics or Field Commander? Because sooner or later the well runs dry and leaves you with nothing but the choice of starting Harvest Moon Boy & Girl or finally finishing Exit and when that day comes it's not gonna be pretty so by god I'm gonna do what I can to make it last...

...Maybe it's about time I got a good book...


Doomeru Woebashi said...

You forgot to mention Shadow Moses.