the resigned gamer, everything I hate about the thing I love the most

Haiku for Larry Laffer

Posted by Sir Cucumber at 8:45 AM on Friday, December 21, 2007

video game haiku from the resigned gamer

So apparently I've been living a lie. I always thought I flunked Honors English because Ms. Jones was an antisemitic bitch but turns out it's because I never learned how to write a proper haiku. So just to show Ourobosity and matt and that loopy cunt Ms. Jones that I'm capable of cramping to your style here's an ode to the man who taught us to type through trial and error:


LEISURE SUIT LARRY

little boys don't know
that when fucking a hooker
you should wear condoms

little boys don't know that when fucking a hooker you should wear condoms
little boys don't know
that after using condoms
you should take them off

little boys don't know that after using condoms you should take them off
little boys don't know
after condom removal
you should zip your fly

little boys don't know after condom removal you should zip your fly

Got your own haiku? Post it in the comments or submit it to resignedgamer@gmail.com.


7 comments:

Rube Goldberg said...

Ew. And awesome.

Doomeru said...

Dude, I was 7 years old when we played this. Ew.

Sir Cucumber said...

if you were 7 that would make me 5. I think I'm gonna be sick.

Anonymous said...

I'm german and I learned english by playing this game.

We had a dictionary and tried to find out how to "attach rope to balcony".

[excuse my broken english]

Sir Cucumber said...

dude, that's awesome anonymous! Thanks for the comment. And as far as I can tell your english is perfect. But what do I know- apparently I still didn't get this haiku right either. I fear I'll never get it.

Niki said...

haha oh that brings me back.

ROFL

Sir Cucumber said...

from reddit:

bobby200: they finally did their haikus right!

ouroborosity: Like hell they did. Since when did a haiku mean you write a sentence and just split it up into sections? That's freeform poetry, to be sure, but sure as hell not correct haiku form.

bobby200: dammit!